PIN number

Here's another of life's wonderful redundancies. These never cease to amaze me. My mission is to wipe these off the planet, but I need your help.

Stop saying you have a PIN number or requesting a new PIN number. Come on, folks. Remember the earlier post when I talked about the ATM machine? You keep making the same mistakes.

If you have a PIN number, what you're saying is you have a Personal Identification Number number. Now doesn't that sound just the least bit idiotic? Of course it does.

Don't think this is the last of the redundancies I'll be addressing. I'm armed and dangerous. You people have given me enough to last for a long, long time. For that, I humbly thank you.

Fortunately, this one is quick and easy. Moving on. . .

reluctant/reticent

Can you be reticent about skiing, reticent about starting a new job, or reticent about trying a new food? Technically. . .no. These two words are relatively close, but there is one distinct difference. Actually, "reticent" is used in only one context.

You're actually "reluctant" to do all the above, or anything else for that matter, except for one thing.

Okay smarty pants, that's the second time you've mentioned "reticent" being used in one context. Do you know what it is, or are you just stalling for time? Of course I know the answer, so you need to just calm down.

Here's the difference: You are only reticent when it comes to speaking, whether it's public speaking or just speaking about a specific topic. For everything else, you're reluctant. . .even though reticence is a form of reluctance.

Wow. That's the most I've ever used "reticent" and "reluctant" in such a short space. I'm definitely reluctant to do it again.

pass muster/pass mustard

This is one of those errors that occurs because you pronounce it the way you hear it. See Saturday's post. . .same type of thing.

To "pass muster" means to have passed the test; to be accepted. Nobody knows what the heck muster is, so it's assumed it must be "mustard" since the words are so close.

"Muster" actually has its roots in the military. It's an assembly of troops awaiting inspection. Obviously, if you're acceptable, you've "passed muster."

"Pass mustard" is something you would say to someone who's been nice enough to give you a hot dog. Of course you wouldn't just say, "Pass mustard." You would need at least an article sandwiched in there, maybe "the," unless you're trying to sound like Frankenstein.

accept/except

"I except your thanks." Wow. That's actually kind of insulting. Here is yet another pair of words commonly misused.

"Accept" means "to receive; to take on." You can accept a challenge, a donation, congratulations, yada, yada, yada.

"Except" means "to exclude; to reject; to leave out." Everyone can go except you.

When you say you except my thanks, it really means you're rejecting those thanks. How dare you. Who do you think you are anyway? What did I ever do to you?

Maybe I just won't post tomorrow. Okay, I will. You're forgiven.

road to hoe/row to hoe

"He's got a tough road to hoe." No, he doesn't. Who ever heard of hoeing a road anyway? That's plain nonsense.

The intended meaning of this phrase is that there's a tough road ahead. That's probably where the incorrect "road" part comes into play.

Its origin, I believe, dates back decades and refers to workers in the cotton fields of the South who found working those fields to be very difficult.

Next time you want to use this phrase, please use the correct form which is "row to hoe."

You wouldn't use the other version unless you truly were hoeing the road or there was a hoe (or "ho") in the road, but that's a subject for another day -- actually, it's probably a subject for a completely different blog. Yikes!

can/may

This one is easy. . .and obvious. Every teacher on the planet has heard, "Can I use the bathroom?" or "Can I get a drink?" It's at this point that you would utter the standard teacher response, "I don't know. Can you?" Then you go to the corner and snicker to yourself because you just made a funny.

"Can" refers to your ability to do something. If you're able to go to the bathroom, then you wouldn't ask if you can. You should already know the answer to that question.

Now if you're asking for permission, that's a horse of a different color. In this instance, it's correct to use "may."

Then, when a student asks, "May I use the bathroom?" the correct response now is, "No. Sit down and get your work done."

Isn't English a beautiful language?

Maple Leafs or Maple Leaves?

Today we venture into the world of professional sports. This one has always perplexed me. Growing up in the Northeast, I was, and continue to be, a huge hockey fan. Even after I emigrated to the desert Southwest a long time ago, I never lost my love for the game.

I grew up in an area of New York not terribly far from Toronto. As a result, I was exposed quite heavily not only to the Buffalo Sabres (my favorite team), but also to the Toronto Maple Leafs.

"Hmmmm," I thought. "How could a major professional sports team be so grammatically incorrect?" I had always been taught throughout my elementary education that the plural of "leaf" is "leaves." Remember? In second or third grade you'd study all the components of "leaves," not "leafs." I mean, come on, the plural of "elf" is "elves." Santa doesn't get all those toys made with the help of a bunch of "elfs." What's going on here?

That being said, shouldn't they be the Toronto Maple Leaves? It doesn't look right to me, either. I guess grammar has no place in professional sports. Oh well. . .

sneaked/snuck

I'm willing to bet you either "snuck" into, or out of, the house some time during your formative years. What's really amazing is that you were able to accomplish something that really doesn't even exist.

"Snuck" is one of those words that has been misused for such a long time. . .so long, in fact, that it's become an accepted version, much like "alright" (refer to an earlier post).

However, the grammar and usage sticklers know that the correct past tense is "sneaked." I know it sounds funny, but that doesn't make it incorrect. Say it a few times and it'll begin to sink into your head. Sneak, sneaked, have sneaked. . .sneak, sneaked, have sneaked. . .see, you're getting used to it already.

Next time you happen to come upon a grammar purist, whatever you do, don't tell him/her you snuck out last night. Please.

By the way, what are you doing sneaking out anyway? Stay home.

bring/take

Is it more correct to say we are going to "take" the dog with us, or we are going to "bring" the dog with us? I have no idea where we're going, but the dog always goes with us, unless it's to the supermarket or some place such as that.

The distinction between the two is pretty simple, really. The word "bring" implies movement toward the speaker, while "take" implies movement away from the speaker. Assuming the dog and I are moving in the same direction, and I have no reason to believe we're not, we are "bringing" the dog with us.

Let me give you another example to illustrate. My wife and I work not only in the same school, but also in the same department. We're together all the time. It's cool. Since we're headed in the same direction, I would remind her to "bring" her lunch. . .but if we worked at different places, I would remind her to "take" her lunch (since her lunch and I would be going in different directions). Weird, huh?

Okay, it's time to bring this post to a close. Take off!

imply/infer

Is it possible for you to imply something from what I say? Can you imply anything from all my marvelous posts? Unfortunately, the answer is a resounding "no."

If you're going to "imply" something, you're making a suggestion. You're implying a girl is fat if you says she is "generous of proportions." You're implying a man is stupid if he is "intellectually challenged."

To "infer," on the other hand, is to make an educated guess based on information that is available to you. To use one of the above examples, if I say, "Oh, do you mean that because she has generous proportions she's fat?" That's an inference. You didn't come right out and say it. I guessed at what you meant.

To put it more simply, you imply when you speak or write, and you infer from what you hear or read.

I think I'll now go and celebrate another amazing post. I'll let you infer what that means.

ATM machine

Do you really need to say the same thing twice? This one I can't really blame that much on you. This one actually is misused in the business world where you can see "ATM Machine" printed clearly on one of these contraptions.

You probably can't help it because you see the words, so you just normally utter them. Well, it's time for you to stop. Do you know how ridiculous you sound?

When you visit an "ATM machine" to make a deposit or a withdrawal, what you're actually saying is you're going to the Automated Teller Machine machine. Doesn't that sound stupid?

It's the same thing on TV. How many times have you heard an announcer say, "Welcome to NBA basketball"? Really? I'm watching National Basketball Association basketball? I didn't know there was any other kind. It's maddening.

As I said, it's not all your fault because some of these redundancies are shoved down your throats. Now that you know the truth, however, you'll stop. . .won't you?

If you'll excuse me now, it's Sunday, so I have to return to NFL football -- er, I mean. . .

lusty/lustful

If you have the feeling that your boyfriend/girlfriend or husband/wife is somewhat "lusty," don't get excited. It doesn't mean what you're probably hoping. You guys are dirty.

"Lusty" simply means that one is full of enthusiasm, and it can be for anything. If one is a "lusty liver," he or she is a lover of life and all that it has to offer.

What you dirty-minded people are hoping for is that the aforementioned companion is "lustful." If that's the case, now you have a chance. He or she is "full of lust" which means there is a strong sexual appetite.

I'm second-guessing whether or not I should have touched this one, but I figured it was worth mentioning just to clarify the distinction.

I think I'll close now before I dig a hole from which I can't emerge. Is it hot in here?

dissemble/disassemble

Have you ever seen anyone "dissemble" a car's engine? Chances are you never will. Not only is it impossible, but I think it violates some law of physics or something.

While these two words look almost identical (they're only two letters apart), they couldn't be more different in meaning.

"Dissemble" means to intentionally hide the truth. You can dissemble a prospective employer into thinking you're qualified for a position you have no business holding. After he finds out you're totally incompetent, however, you may see him "disassembling" your desk.

To "disassemble" something obviously means "to take apart."

As far as you know, I may be "dissembling" you into thinking I know what the heck I'm talking about. Sometimes I wonder myself. Then I think to myself, "How will they know?" I'll just keep on posting so you can think I'm really smart.

anecdote/antidote

Please don't tell me you have a humorous "antidote" to share. You don't, and you never will. Besides, I didn't just swallow poison.

What you mean to say is that you have a humorous "anecdote" to share. That's better. Writers share "anecdotes" while doctors prescribe "antidotes" for poison.

The last thing you want when a rattlesnake bites you is an "anecdote." I don't find anything humorous about that, and if I received a snake bite, I certainly wouldn't be in the mood to laugh.

I wish I had an anecdote to share with you, but I don't. Well, actually, I could probably come up with something, but I want to keep this family-friendly. For that matter, I wish I had an antidote to share as well but, alas, I don't. I'm not sure where I'd get one anyway. I'll look into it.

angry/mad

Chances are, at some point in the past, you uttered an exclamation such as, "I'm so mad I could spit nails!" Well, I guess if you have nails in your mouth in the first place then, yes, you are mad. I'm fairly certain you meant you were angry.

The original meaning of "mad" was reserved for those who were mentally unstable. Mozart was mad, for example. To put it in simpler terms, technically, if you are "mad" your elevator doesn't go all the way to the top, you're a sandwich short of a picnic, you're not playing with a full deck, you're ready for a rubber room, or you're a french fry short of a Happy Meal. You get the idea.

The correct usage in this context is "angry." You're angry that you have extra homework. You're angry that your colleague makes more money than you do. You're angry that it's Monday. . .blah, blah, blah.

Are we straight on this one now? Fantastic.

Of course, it's possible that you're angry at first when you find out your spouse is cheating on you. Then, perhaps, you become mad. Then you end up in the newspaper, and we all get to see a less-than-flattering photo of you. Don't be one of those people.

agnostic/atheist

I don't want to get into a big discussion about religion here. That's not the purpose of this blog. You're all free to believe whatever you wish. Quite frankly, I don't give a frog's fat one what you believe. I'm just here to educate you as to each word's usage, so stop getting your feathers all ruffled.

Okay, are you calm now? Let's proceed.

An agnostic is skeptical that the presence of any higher power can be proven to any degree of satisfaction. In fact, the word has long been associated with religion, but, technically, an agnostic can doubt the existence of, or knowledge of, just about anything. He or she is the type who's always saying, "Prove it. Prove it. Prove it." Aren't those people somewhat annoying?

On the other hand, an atheist flat-out refuses to believe that any higher power exists. Not happening. No way. Period. Even if you were able to "prove it," this person would probably laugh at you and say you've been brainwashed. Whatever.

As I said, you're all free to believe whatever you want to believe. Just don't force those ideas on me. It'll make me angry. I might have to yell. I don't like to yell.

Hmmmm. . .angry. That reminds me of another usage problem. Maybe I'll deal with that tomorrow.

compare to/compare with

It may be a subtle difference, but there is a difference. Isn't there always?

If you're focusing only on the similarities between two things, "compare to" is the correct form. "Her dinner could best be compared to warm puke." You see, I'm showing how her dinner and puke are synonymous. I'm not even sure who "her" is. It's just an example, so calm down.

Now, if you're looking at both similarities and differences, then "compare with" is your man. "Let's see how last year's budget compares with the current one so we can make any necessary adjustments."

It's not complicated. It never is. I don't know why you insist on thinking it's more difficult than it actually is. Compared with brain surgery, this stuff is a snap.

See you tomorrow. Time to figure out what to tackle next. It's not as if I don't have enough fodder for discussion. For that, I thank you.

center on/center around

Whenever someone tells me something "centers around" anything, I want to pull my hair out. Think about it, folks. How the heck can something center "around" anything?

You can center a picture on the wall, for example. For that matter, you can pretty much find the center on just about anything. How, then, can you possibly find the center around something? It hurts my head to even try to come up with an answer. These two words don't even seem to go well together.

Long story short, your speech "centered on" a specific topic. Your primary interest "centers on" something. Get the picture?

I sure hope you all realize how lucky you are I'm here. How did you live without me?

ambivalent/indifferent

No, these two words are not the same. I don't care what you say or what you've been told.

If you are "ambivalent," you may feel as if you are uncertain or are being pulled in two directions. A man may be ambivalent about trading in his old car, especially if he considers it an old friend. . .unless he knows for a fact it's a piece of junk and that it's long since been ready for the scrap heap.

You're "indifferent" if it's impossible for you to care less. If it didn't matter to you whether Barack Obama or John McCain became president, then you were "indifferent." By the way, why didn't you care who became President of the United States? What's wrong with you?

If you have to be one of the two, be ambivalent. At least it shows you care, but don't be indifferent about my blog. It hurts my feelings.

infamous/notorious

"His ability to hit home runs has made him infamous." That's not very high praise. For some reason, down through the ages, the word "infamous" has taken on more of a positive connotation. When we reach some milestone, we've suddenly become "infamous" for it. Not me. I don't want to be infamous for anything.

The word literally means "not famous." So if Grandma is "infamous" for her chocolate chip cookies, what you're really saying is she can't bake worth a lick. Using that adjective is not very complimentary.

Likewise, anyone "notorious" for anything is not someone you want in your circle of influence, especially if he is "notorious" for the strange bodily noises that emanate in church.

Truth be told, both words have essentially the same meaning. . .and it isn't good.

If you still feel the need to be infamous, that's your business. I don't want to know about it.

unique/very unique

"That painting is very unique." I see. So is your grammar.

Okay, let's take care of this one. If something is "unique," it is one of a kind. There are no varying degrees of uniqueness. It's either unique or it isn't. It's like being "sort of pregnant." Either you are or you aren't.

While on the subject, another favorite of mine is when I hear something is "extremely coincidental." Same principle. It's coincidence or it isn't.

The bottom line. . .be extremely careful when you want to add degrees to your adjectives. It's okay to say you're a little late if it's just a few minutes. If you're an hour late, you're extremely late. You can argue that there are varying degrees of lateness.

But a very unique painting? Absolutely not.

if I was/if I were

Class is in session. The "if I was/if I were" debate tends to rouse a lot of discussion. I'm not sure why. I'm here just to inform you as to what is correct, not to discuss why. Those who actually debate the correct usage have too much free time.

Here's where the confusion starts, I believe. People will argue, "Well, isn't 'was' the correct form of the verb for the subject 'I'?" Why, yes it is, but here's the low-down. The key word in this phrase is "if." The word "if" implies something that is not happening or cannot happen. "If I were able to stand on my head, I could make people laugh." The sentence implies that I cannot stand on my head, not that I'd ever want to anyway.

If you want to impress people, use the correct grammatical form. "If I were" should be used when the situation is hypothetical or not possible. I cannot, in fact, stand on my head; therefore, "if I were able to" is the snobbishly correct usage.

That being said, if I were you, but I'm not, I would check back for tomorrow's post. See ya!

envious/jealous

Yes, there is a distinction between these two, although it's slight. Can you be jealous of your neighbor's new car? Not in the correct grammatical sense.

You can't be jealous of it because you didn't have it in the first place. Huh? If it's not yours, you can't be "jealous" of it. You're "envious" of it. You can certainly be jealous that your boyfriend/girlfriend or husband/wife has a fondness for members of the opposite sex. That's assuming, of course, that the boyfriend/girlfriend or husband/wife is already yours. I guess you have to make that determination. You know your situation better than I do.

To put it in simpler terms, you're "envious" of the neighbor's car but not "jealous" of it. It's his, for heaven's sake. You're "jealous" that your dog seems to greet your neighbor more warmly than he greets you. Maybe it's because he has a new car. I'm not sure.

Anyway, there is your difference. Make sense? I think I'll kick back and take the rest of the day off. Envious?

plural vs. possessive vs. pronoun

You people sure enjoy apostrophes. It doesn't matter if it's necessary. Just stick it in there. It looks good.

This is an easy fix. An apostrophe replaces a missing letter. Simple. Here's the trick if you're not sure if it belongs there: If you want to use an apostrophe, say the contraction out. If it makes sense, leave it. If it doesn't make sense, get rid of it.

Here's an example: "A leopard never changes it's spots." I see stuff like this all the time. Does it make sense to say, "A leopard never changes it is spots"? Of course it doesn't. Do you need it there? I think the answer is obvious.

Here's a good one. I actually had a student write in a paper, "Rat's!" It was supposed to be an exclamation. Oh, really? "Rat is." That's an interesting expression.

Now don't confuse this with the distinction between words such as "your" and "you're." That's a completely different apostrophe issue. Don't worry. I'll rant and rave on that one a different day.

Just take my advice and say out the contraction if you're not sure. The world will be a better place.

pronoun complements

As an English teacher, this is one of my biggest pet peeves. Every day, I read something such as, "Everyone must turn in their homework" or "Neither of the girls brought their lunch." Ouch! It sounds correct, though. . .right? Therein lies the problem.

You see, indefinite pronouns such as "anyone," "anybody," "everyone," "everybody," "each," "either," and "neither" are singular. Just think about the words. . ."anyONE," "everyONE," "anyBODY," "everyBODY," etc. The words "one" and "body" are in there for a reason. Do I really have to explain everything? Okay, I guess I do. That's the purpose of this blog.

If you are using a singular indefinite pronoun, it takes a singular complement. Hence, our earlier sentences should read, "Everyone must turn in his or her homework" and "Neither of the girls brought her lunch." Learn which pronouns are singular and which are plural, and you'll stop making these maddening errors.

That being said, it's time for "each" reader of this blog to continue improving "his or her" grammar. Do it for the ol' professor. Well, I'm really not that old. I'm really not.

kind of/kind of a/sort of/sort of a

The next time someone asks, "Just what kind of a person are you?" laugh at him and say, "I'm the kind of person who enjoys correct grammar. Buzz off!"

It's just a small problem, really, but it's a problem nonetheless. You see, whenever you want to use the phrase "kind of," and it's to be followed by a noun, the "a" is unnecessary. In fact, it's considered nonstandard.

That means you can't be "kind of a" anything. You can't be kind of a saint, kind of a jerk, kind of a lady/gentleman, or kind of a moron. Someone could ask, "What kind of moron are you?" and you would then be forced to answer.

If the word following the phrase is only an adjective without a noun, the "a" wouldn't make sense anyway. You wouldn't say, "My dog is kind of a friendly." If you do, then the person calling you a moron is 100% correct.

Now I know what you're thinking. . .I always do. "What if I said, 'You're kind of a jerk'?" In this instance "jerk" is used as an adjective, not a noun. As odd as it sounds, it's more appropriate to say, "You're a kind of jerk." Be mindful of your nouns.

The same thing applies to "sort of." Got it? You are no longer a kind of moron. Hooray!

continual/continuous

This pair has been confusing for a long time; consequently, people have been using them incorrectly for a long time.

It's quite simple, really. If you say, "My teacher continuously asks me to turn in my homework," you're implying that he/she asks you over and over again without stopping. That may be the case if you are, in fact, a slug who doesn't turn in your work. That's a matter for a different day.

If the intention is that it happens frequently, not necessarily uninterrupted, then the teacher is "continually" asking for your homework.

If you're a couch potato who never gets off the couch and watches TV endlessly, then your television watching is "continuous."

So let's summarize, shall we? "Continuous" occurs without stopping, but "continual" occurs at intervals but not necessarily uninterrupted.

Heck, if not for your continual errors, I wouldn't have anything to write about. Thanks.

close proximity

Remember several posts ago when I mentioned that there were thousands of redundancies that people insist on using? Here's an oldie, but it certainly won't be the last one about which I rail.

The word "proximity" means "close to." Why, then, do you need to add "close" to "proximity" for Pete's sake? It doesn't make any sense. (Who is Pete, by the way?)

If you absolutely must use the word "proximity" to impress your family and friends, please use it the correct way. "In proximity to" would be the appropriate usage here.

See, don't you find it more comforting to be in proximity to the more literate of society? I know it takes time, but you're learning.

Good job. Moving on. . .

ice tea/iced tea

This is one of those common errors that occurs because you write it the way it sounds. If I've told you people once, I've told you a thousand times. . .

The phrase "ice tea" implies what you have is tea made out of ice. I'm not even sure that's possible. Perhaps it is, but I don't have time to figure it out.

In reality, what you have is "iced tea," meaning your tea is iced or cooled.

So next time you're at a restaurant and "ice tea" is on the menu, take a second to laugh at the menu writer, give the responsible party the address for this blog, then give yourself a pat on the back for now knowing the difference.

See how smart you're becoming?

like/as if

"Like" is one of the most overused words in the English language, and it is almost always used incorrectly. It can be a verb as in, "I don't like you," but it cannot be a conjunction, interjection, or any other incorrect part of speech that you people try to create.

So quit saying, "It looks like the rain is stopping." It's not. The correct usage here should be "as if." What you really mean is, "It looks as if the rain is stopping."

Especially as a high school teacher, I hear this word used ad nauseum. I'm not particularly fond of it, and I become less fond of it each passing day.

So would you do me a favor? Would you stop, like, using it this way? Like, please?