Maple Leafs or Maple Leaves?

Today we venture into the world of professional sports. This one has always perplexed me. Growing up in the Northeast, I was, and continue to be, a huge hockey fan. Even after I emigrated to the desert Southwest a long time ago, I never lost my love for the game.

I grew up in an area of New York not terribly far from Toronto. As a result, I was exposed quite heavily not only to the Buffalo Sabres (my favorite team), but also to the Toronto Maple Leafs.

"Hmmmm," I thought. "How could a major professional sports team be so grammatically incorrect?" I had always been taught throughout my elementary education that the plural of "leaf" is "leaves." Remember? In second or third grade you'd study all the components of "leaves," not "leafs." I mean, come on, the plural of "elf" is "elves." Santa doesn't get all those toys made with the help of a bunch of "elfs." What's going on here?

That being said, shouldn't they be the Toronto Maple Leaves? It doesn't look right to me, either. I guess grammar has no place in professional sports. Oh well. . .

sneaked/snuck

I'm willing to bet you either "snuck" into, or out of, the house some time during your formative years. What's really amazing is that you were able to accomplish something that really doesn't even exist.

"Snuck" is one of those words that has been misused for such a long time. . .so long, in fact, that it's become an accepted version, much like "alright" (refer to an earlier post).

However, the grammar and usage sticklers know that the correct past tense is "sneaked." I know it sounds funny, but that doesn't make it incorrect. Say it a few times and it'll begin to sink into your head. Sneak, sneaked, have sneaked. . .sneak, sneaked, have sneaked. . .see, you're getting used to it already.

Next time you happen to come upon a grammar purist, whatever you do, don't tell him/her you snuck out last night. Please.

By the way, what are you doing sneaking out anyway? Stay home.

bring/take

Is it more correct to say we are going to "take" the dog with us, or we are going to "bring" the dog with us? I have no idea where we're going, but the dog always goes with us, unless it's to the supermarket or some place such as that.

The distinction between the two is pretty simple, really. The word "bring" implies movement toward the speaker, while "take" implies movement away from the speaker. Assuming the dog and I are moving in the same direction, and I have no reason to believe we're not, we are "bringing" the dog with us.

Let me give you another example to illustrate. My wife and I work not only in the same school, but also in the same department. We're together all the time. It's cool. Since we're headed in the same direction, I would remind her to "bring" her lunch. . .but if we worked at different places, I would remind her to "take" her lunch (since her lunch and I would be going in different directions). Weird, huh?

Okay, it's time to bring this post to a close. Take off!

imply/infer

Is it possible for you to imply something from what I say? Can you imply anything from all my marvelous posts? Unfortunately, the answer is a resounding "no."

If you're going to "imply" something, you're making a suggestion. You're implying a girl is fat if you says she is "generous of proportions." You're implying a man is stupid if he is "intellectually challenged."

To "infer," on the other hand, is to make an educated guess based on information that is available to you. To use one of the above examples, if I say, "Oh, do you mean that because she has generous proportions she's fat?" That's an inference. You didn't come right out and say it. I guessed at what you meant.

To put it more simply, you imply when you speak or write, and you infer from what you hear or read.

I think I'll now go and celebrate another amazing post. I'll let you infer what that means.

ATM machine

Do you really need to say the same thing twice? This one I can't really blame that much on you. This one actually is misused in the business world where you can see "ATM Machine" printed clearly on one of these contraptions.

You probably can't help it because you see the words, so you just normally utter them. Well, it's time for you to stop. Do you know how ridiculous you sound?

When you visit an "ATM machine" to make a deposit or a withdrawal, what you're actually saying is you're going to the Automated Teller Machine machine. Doesn't that sound stupid?

It's the same thing on TV. How many times have you heard an announcer say, "Welcome to NBA basketball"? Really? I'm watching National Basketball Association basketball? I didn't know there was any other kind. It's maddening.

As I said, it's not all your fault because some of these redundancies are shoved down your throats. Now that you know the truth, however, you'll stop. . .won't you?

If you'll excuse me now, it's Sunday, so I have to return to NFL football -- er, I mean. . .

lusty/lustful

If you have the feeling that your boyfriend/girlfriend or husband/wife is somewhat "lusty," don't get excited. It doesn't mean what you're probably hoping. You guys are dirty.

"Lusty" simply means that one is full of enthusiasm, and it can be for anything. If one is a "lusty liver," he or she is a lover of life and all that it has to offer.

What you dirty-minded people are hoping for is that the aforementioned companion is "lustful." If that's the case, now you have a chance. He or she is "full of lust" which means there is a strong sexual appetite.

I'm second-guessing whether or not I should have touched this one, but I figured it was worth mentioning just to clarify the distinction.

I think I'll close now before I dig a hole from which I can't emerge. Is it hot in here?

dissemble/disassemble

Have you ever seen anyone "dissemble" a car's engine? Chances are you never will. Not only is it impossible, but I think it violates some law of physics or something.

While these two words look almost identical (they're only two letters apart), they couldn't be more different in meaning.

"Dissemble" means to intentionally hide the truth. You can dissemble a prospective employer into thinking you're qualified for a position you have no business holding. After he finds out you're totally incompetent, however, you may see him "disassembling" your desk.

To "disassemble" something obviously means "to take apart."

As far as you know, I may be "dissembling" you into thinking I know what the heck I'm talking about. Sometimes I wonder myself. Then I think to myself, "How will they know?" I'll just keep on posting so you can think I'm really smart.

anecdote/antidote

Please don't tell me you have a humorous "antidote" to share. You don't, and you never will. Besides, I didn't just swallow poison.

What you mean to say is that you have a humorous "anecdote" to share. That's better. Writers share "anecdotes" while doctors prescribe "antidotes" for poison.

The last thing you want when a rattlesnake bites you is an "anecdote." I don't find anything humorous about that, and if I received a snake bite, I certainly wouldn't be in the mood to laugh.

I wish I had an anecdote to share with you, but I don't. Well, actually, I could probably come up with something, but I want to keep this family-friendly. For that matter, I wish I had an antidote to share as well but, alas, I don't. I'm not sure where I'd get one anyway. I'll look into it.

angry/mad

Chances are, at some point in the past, you uttered an exclamation such as, "I'm so mad I could spit nails!" Well, I guess if you have nails in your mouth in the first place then, yes, you are mad. I'm fairly certain you meant you were angry.

The original meaning of "mad" was reserved for those who were mentally unstable. Mozart was mad, for example. To put it in simpler terms, technically, if you are "mad" your elevator doesn't go all the way to the top, you're a sandwich short of a picnic, you're not playing with a full deck, you're ready for a rubber room, or you're a french fry short of a Happy Meal. You get the idea.

The correct usage in this context is "angry." You're angry that you have extra homework. You're angry that your colleague makes more money than you do. You're angry that it's Monday. . .blah, blah, blah.

Are we straight on this one now? Fantastic.

Of course, it's possible that you're angry at first when you find out your spouse is cheating on you. Then, perhaps, you become mad. Then you end up in the newspaper, and we all get to see a less-than-flattering photo of you. Don't be one of those people.

agnostic/atheist

I don't want to get into a big discussion about religion here. That's not the purpose of this blog. You're all free to believe whatever you wish. Quite frankly, I don't give a frog's fat one what you believe. I'm just here to educate you as to each word's usage, so stop getting your feathers all ruffled.

Okay, are you calm now? Let's proceed.

An agnostic is skeptical that the presence of any higher power can be proven to any degree of satisfaction. In fact, the word has long been associated with religion, but, technically, an agnostic can doubt the existence of, or knowledge of, just about anything. He or she is the type who's always saying, "Prove it. Prove it. Prove it." Aren't those people somewhat annoying?

On the other hand, an atheist flat-out refuses to believe that any higher power exists. Not happening. No way. Period. Even if you were able to "prove it," this person would probably laugh at you and say you've been brainwashed. Whatever.

As I said, you're all free to believe whatever you want to believe. Just don't force those ideas on me. It'll make me angry. I might have to yell. I don't like to yell.

Hmmmm. . .angry. That reminds me of another usage problem. Maybe I'll deal with that tomorrow.

compare to/compare with

It may be a subtle difference, but there is a difference. Isn't there always?

If you're focusing only on the similarities between two things, "compare to" is the correct form. "Her dinner could best be compared to warm puke." You see, I'm showing how her dinner and puke are synonymous. I'm not even sure who "her" is. It's just an example, so calm down.

Now, if you're looking at both similarities and differences, then "compare with" is your man. "Let's see how last year's budget compares with the current one so we can make any necessary adjustments."

It's not complicated. It never is. I don't know why you insist on thinking it's more difficult than it actually is. Compared with brain surgery, this stuff is a snap.

See you tomorrow. Time to figure out what to tackle next. It's not as if I don't have enough fodder for discussion. For that, I thank you.

center on/center around

Whenever someone tells me something "centers around" anything, I want to pull my hair out. Think about it, folks. How the heck can something center "around" anything?

You can center a picture on the wall, for example. For that matter, you can pretty much find the center on just about anything. How, then, can you possibly find the center around something? It hurts my head to even try to come up with an answer. These two words don't even seem to go well together.

Long story short, your speech "centered on" a specific topic. Your primary interest "centers on" something. Get the picture?

I sure hope you all realize how lucky you are I'm here. How did you live without me?