anecdote/antidote

Please don't tell me you have a humorous "antidote" to share. You don't, and you never will. Besides, I didn't just swallow poison.

What you mean to say is that you have a humorous "anecdote" to share. That's better. Writers share "anecdotes" while doctors prescribe "antidotes" for poison.

The last thing you want when a rattlesnake bites you is an "anecdote." I don't find anything humorous about that, and if I received a snake bite, I certainly wouldn't be in the mood to laugh.

I wish I had an anecdote to share with you, but I don't. Well, actually, I could probably come up with something, but I want to keep this family-friendly. For that matter, I wish I had an antidote to share as well but, alas, I don't. I'm not sure where I'd get one anyway. I'll look into it.