excess of/excessive

The problem here, as is the case with others I've discussed recently, is they sound very similar. Not to worry. I'll set you straight (as I always do).

Having an "excess of" simply means you have too much. . .an excess of widgets, an excess of pencils, an excess of motor oil. When you add the "of" to the phrase, "excess" is now a noun.

While "excessive" has a somewhat similar meaning (and pronunciation), it is used as an adjective. . .excessive noise, excessive pollution, excessive body odor.

Oops! Did I just say that? You really don't. Well, not that much.

I thought you should know.

exercise/exorcise

"He has to exercise his demons." Well, that's not necessarily true unless he wants them to be physically fit. If that's the case, then I guess it stands to reason you want them to be in the best shape possible.

Obviously, to "exercise" is "to work out" or "to carry out." For example, you can exercise by jogging or exercise by lifting weights. Here, you're "working out" your body. You can also exercise an option. In this instance, you're "carrying it out."

If you want to get rid of something, you're "exorcising" it. Priests "exorcise" spirits, and people can "exorcise" habits and, I suppose, even "exorcise" aspects of their pasts.

I guess it's time to exercise my option to go get some exercise. Thankfully, I don't have anything to exorcise. I don't think so, at least.

bi-/semi-

I know this pair is a source of confusion for a lot of people. You know what they mean, you're just not sure which is which.

"Bi-" means "two." Plain and simple. If something is biannual, it happens every two years. Something bimonthly takes place every two months.

"Semi-," on the other hand, means "half." Something semiannual occurs every half year, or every six months, or twice a year if that sounds better. A semimonthly event would occur every half month, roughly every two weeks, or twice a month.

Are we straight now? Good.

I'm kind of bummed because I realize there wasn't too much snarky to say here. "Bi-" and "semi-" are pretty straightforward. I could have gone for a cheap laugh by using "bisexual" as an example, because someone in this field of endeavor is equally attracted to two genders. . .but I'm above that.

funny joke

"Do you want to hear a funny joke?" I'm sorry. I wasn't aware of any other kind. Just ask me if I want to hear a joke. Period.

The word "funny" is implied in the word "joke." That's what a joke is -- funny -- or at least it's supposed to be. If it isn't, it's not really a joke; therefore, I don't want to hear it.

It's not necessary to insert "funny" into the sentence. It's another one of life's redundancies. I told you there were a lot of them. Now do you believe me?

Now go ahead and tell me your joke. I'll determine whether or not it's funny.

Something tells me it's not.

vapid/vacuous

Is a person "vapid" or "vacuous"? Well, that all depends. I guess if you're a cannibal then, yes, that individual can be vapid.

Technically, the word means "without flavor or very bland." Food can be vapid. Conversation can be vapid. If it's not very in-depth, I guess a book can be vapid, too. A person? Let's not even go there.

If your intended meaning is that the person is intellectually challenged, or, better yet, just plain stupid, then you want to go with "vacuous." Things generally are vapid, and people are vacuous.

Now that I think about it, I know quite a few vacuous people.

I have to change my circle of influence.

RBI/RBIs

Being both a sports fan and somewhat of an English purist, this one has had me perplexed for quite a long time.

Let's examine it more closely. What does the abbreviation mean? As far as I know, it means "Runs Batted In." Hmmmm. It seems to me that once you get past the first word, it's already plural.

Oh, that's right. I forgot. How you people love your redundancies!

When you listen to the nightly sportscaster say, "Joe Underpants had a great game with a total of six RBIs," what he's really saying is Mr. Underpants had six "runs batted ins." What a dope.

Now doesn't that sound just a tad idiotic? I think so, too. Do you think that will ever change? I don't either, but at least now you know the truth.

wet/whet your appetite

Do you eat hors d'oeuvres to "wet" your appetite? Not unless you intend to slobber all over them.

The reason for eating these goodies in the first place is to prepare your palate for the really good stuff to come.

In this context, then, what you are doing is sharpening your palate or your taste buds just as a whetstone sharpens a blade.

Now you know. From now on, please refer to it as "whetting" your appetite, unless, as I mentioned earlier, you have a salivary gland problem.

I hope this whets your appetite for what is to come tomorrow.

fortuitous/fortunate

Is it better to be fortuitous or fortunate? Let's find out.

"Fortuitous" refers to matters of chance. It does not necessarily have to be lucky, just random. You'll often hear a football announcer say, "The ball took a fortuitous bounce." Actually, the bounce was "fortunate" for the other team. Running into someone can be fortuitous but not necessarily fortunate, especially if you hate that person's guts.

Certainly a fortunate event can be fortuitous. You were lucky for winning the lottery, but that was definitely a matter of chance.

The accepted usage now, when referring to "lucky," is "fortunate."

By the way, congratulations are in order for winning the lottery. You do, of course, remember we're related, don't you?

fearful/fearsome

Do you want to be considered a "fearful" person? Probably not, unless you want others to think you're some kind of weenie.

"Fearful" means you're "full of fear." Maybe you're afraid of the dark, afraid of your spouse, afraid of the cat, or afraid of your own shadow. Say, you are a weenie, aren't you?

It's preferable to be "fearsome." If that's the case, you instill fear in others. That's better. That's what I want.

Don't get me wrong. I don't want people to cower in fear at the mere sight of me, but I also don't want them to think I'm some dork who's afraid of the cat, or, more importantly, afraid of my spouse.

I hope she doesn't read this.

prima donna/pre-Madonna

"Prima donna" comes from the world of opera (not a big fan), and it means "leading lady." The phrase has taken on somewhat of a negative connotation and is now generally associated with someone having a high sense of self-importance.

An athlete who enjoys being the center of attention, for example, often is referred to as a "prima donna."

The problem here is that, as is the case with many errors, it's written the way it sounds; therefore, you may occasionally see it as "pre-Madonna."

Unless you're referring to the period of time preceding the pop singer or something having to do with the Virgin Mary, it's always "prima donna."

As I said, I'm not a big opera buff. I've tried. I just don't get it. It's difficult to get into something when you don't understand the language. I'll stick with English. I know that really well, and if you've been reading some of these posts, you already know that, but don't call me a prima donna. I'm not.

bad/badly

Just as you can't feel "good," you can't feel "bad" either. Why not, you ask? Don't you people pay attention? I just told you a couple days ago.

"Bad" is an adjective. If you're describing how you feel, you're modifying a verb. If that's the case, please use the adverb form, "badly."

Therefore, you're feeling "badly," just as you play badly, practice badly, sing badly, and act badly. Come to think of it, you're a mess, aren't you?

However, you can see a bad play, have a bad practice, hear a bad song, and conduct a bad act.

What's wrong with you? You need to just relax for the rest of the day. Tomorrow's another day.

guess what/guess what?

This one you probably never even thought about, but it's surprising how often it occurs.

Can you spot the error here? "Guess what she told me?" You probably can't, and that's why it's incorrect.

Saying something such as, "Guess what?" is not a question. Why do you insist on putting a question mark at the end? You're telling someone to guess. You're not asking. If you said, "Can you guess. . .?" now you're asking. See the difference?

While I'm thinking of it, here's another one that's related: Stop saying you're going to "ask a question." Can you ask anything other than a question? You're either going to "ask," or you have "a question."

Guess what. You're now a whole lot smarter. Lucky you.