good/well

Ah, yes. This one is certainly a classic. If you are in a state of good health, please don't say you feel "good." You don't.

The difference is really quite simple. "Well" is used as an adverb. It should be used to describe a verb, adjective, or other adverb. Since it's describing how you feel (verb), "well" is correct.

"Good," on the other hand, is an adjective. It describes a noun or pronoun. You can do a "good job" since "job" is a noun, or you can be a "good person."

You can be a "good" tennis player, but you play tennis "well." Got it? There's your grammar 101 lesson for the day.

Those of you old enough no doubt remember the James Brown song "I Feel Good." If only he knew.

tad bit

"He was just a tad bit off on that throw." I heard that one this afternoon on an NFL telecast. Unbelievable.

This one doesn't require a lot of explanation. It's simple, folks. A "tad" and a "bit" are essentially the same thing. You can't have a "tad" of anything and have it be a huge amount. It has to be a "bit."

Therefore, what he should have said was, "He was a tad off on that throw," or, "He was a bit off on that throw." Tad bit? Yuck!

How much more money do these guys make than the average Joe? He worked for the network (not a local guy), and he wasn't even that good. Hmm. . .I wonder why.

emigrate/immigrate

Other than the United States, what's your favorite country? Okay, let's say it's Paraguay. The difference between these two words is fairly straightforward.

If a very nice Paraguayan moves to Mobile, Alabama, then he has "immigrated" there because he has moved in.

However, he has "emigrated" from Paraguay because he has moved from there.

To put it simply, to "emigrate" is to leave and "immigrate" is to enter. Likewise, our friend is an "emigrant" from Paraguay and an "immigrant" to the United States. There you have it. That wasn't so bad.

I've actually never met a Paraguayan, but I imagine they're very nice people.

B.C./A.D.

As you can tell, I discuss grammar and usage errors that cover a wide range of topics. This is a perfect example.

I would wager that the vast majority (yourself included) assumes A.D. means "after death." Am I correct? Of course. You know that. Well, I'm here to tell you it doesn't mean what you think. I love doing that. It actually stands for "anno domini" or "in the year of the Lord." Again, not to focus on religion here, but this would be the year Jesus was born.

Think about it. If the calendar began after His death, how would we account for the years He was alive? We would go from the year 1 B.C. to the first year after Jesus died. What about the years in between?

I bet you never even thought about that, did you? That's why I'm here. It's my life's work. Okay, maybe not an entire life's work, but it's pretty darn important.

By the way, B.C. does mean "before Christ." Give yourself a point.

fiance/fiancee

Here's one I bet you didn't know. I was also kind of amazed when I first learned this one. It happens to be gender-specific.

If you're a male and you send your parents an email or text message indicating you want them to meet your "fiance," are you ever in for a shock.

A woman would introduce her "fiance," but a man would introduce his "fiancee," assuming, of course, we're referring to traditional marriages. . .but that's a whole other issue we won't tackle in this blog.

To avoid future embarrassment, just make sure you're aware of the difference.

By the way, I didn't know you were getting married. Congratulations, but don't try to hit me up for a gift.

near miss

"Wow! That was a near miss!" I'm not exactly sure how that can be. I understand the premise. It's supposed to mean a "close call."

The problem I have with this is if it's a miss, it's a miss. Does it really matter if the miss was near, far, or anything else? The fact remains it's a miss. . .plain and simple.

Wouldn't it be better to say "near hit"? I mean, you almost hit it, but you didn't almost miss it. You missed it!

Next time you have a close call, do me a favor and call it a "near hit." Together we can make the language purists proud. Everyone will thank you for it.

koala bear

What did the fuzzy koala ever do to you? Why do you insist on changing its genetic makeup?

Let's get this straight right out of the chute. A koala is not a bear. It's a marsupial. I guess some bonehead once looked at it, saw that it resembled a bear (which it kind of does), and then tried to clarify what it was by adding "bear" to the phrase.

Even if it was a bear, why do you need to identify it as such? It's like saying "puppy dog," "kitty cat," or "bunny rabbit." A bunny is a rabbit. Do you have to say it twice? Here we go with those blasted redundancies again.

Stop saying "koala bear." "Koala" is sufficient. The people of Australia will thank you.

slow/slowly

I love to travel. I especially like driving trips. Here's one that irks me every time. You're driving along, and sure as anything, you run into road construction where traffic is narrowed to one lane going in both directions. Obviously, to avoid collisions, traffic has to be stopped in one direction so traffic moving the other way can proceed.

Here's my issue. You know that guy holding the sign that reads "Stop" on one side and "Slow" on the other? It's grammatically incorrect (of course). The nice man flips the sign from "Stop" to "Slow" when he wants me to continue on my merry way. . .but I don't know if the "Slow" part refers to my driving or to me.

You see, the word "slow" is an adjective as in "That is a slow car," or "Timmy is really slow." It should read "Slowly." Its intended meaning is that I am to proceed with caution; therefore, it's referring to my driving. If it's related to my driving, then it's modifying an action and should be the adverb form.

Besides, I'm not slow, and who is he to be making judgments such as that? He doesn't even know me.

bound/headed

You people and your redundancies. I told you we had a ton of these to cover. Here's another good one.

How many times have you said, "I'm headed southbound on the freeway right now"? I'm guessing probably about a bazillion. Well, knock it off.

The word "bound" indicates you're headed in a specific direction and vice versa. If you're headed north, then you're northbound.

What you want to say is either you're headed north or you're northbound. That's sufficient. I don't know why people think extra words and/or syllables make their points so much clearer. It's maddening.

I'll give you another redundancy in a couple days since I know you like them so much. You must like them. You use them all the time.

backward/backwards

I've got a quiz question for you. Which of the following statements is correct? "I put my pants on backward." "I put my pants on backwards." I fooled you. It was a trick question. Actually, both are correct.

Why? The word is used as an adverb in each instance. It's modifying the verb telling how I put my pants on. If that's the case, either one is perfectly acceptable.

In the case of an adjective, you must use "backward" only. For example, you would say, "The golf ball took a backward roll." The word is now modifying the noun "roll." No, "roll" in this context is not an action, it's a thing. Doesn't it sound stupid to say, "The golf ball took a backwards roll"? Duh!

Come to think of it, I'm not sure why I put my pants on backward. That's really strange. I'm not sure I want to know now.

statute/statue of limitations

If you look for a common thread among some of my past posts, you'll see that many of the usage errors occur because of incorrect pronunciation (see "row/road to hoe," for example). Here's a perfect example.

In a legal sense, the phrase refers to the amount of time from which a crime is committed to the time in which it can be prosecuted.

Of course, if everyone spoke correctly, we wouldn't have the errors we have; hence, I would have nothing about which to write. I guess I owe you one for that. Thanks.

By the way, it's "statute of limitations." Who ever heard of a "statue of limitations"? It's ridiculous to think an aspect of our legal system could be based on a sculpture. Amazing.

Just keep on speaking incorrectly and keep on giving me writing fodder. I need something for amusement.

remotely close

I believe this is the first oxymoron I've addressed in this blog. Generally, an oxymoron is an intentional literary device used for the sake of humor or effect. This one, however, is one people use thinking it's perfectly acceptable. Well, I'm here to tell you it isn't. Surprised?

You've probably heard something along the lines of, "I'm not even remotely close to being finished." You never will be. It's not physically possible.

You can't be "remotely close" to anything. Why not? These two words are opposites, that's why not.

A remote location is one that is isolated. . .a cabin in the woods, for example. If it's remote, how can it be close to anything?

I'm sure I'll stumble upon some other oxymorons you're using, and then I can set you straight. Come on. You didn't even know this one was incorrect. That's why I'm here. Lucky you.