ambivalent/indifferent

No, these two words are not the same. I don't care what you say or what you've been told.

If you are "ambivalent," you may feel as if you are uncertain or are being pulled in two directions. A man may be ambivalent about trading in his old car, especially if he considers it an old friend. . .unless he knows for a fact it's a piece of junk and that it's long since been ready for the scrap heap.

You're "indifferent" if it's impossible for you to care less. If it didn't matter to you whether Barack Obama or John McCain became president, then you were "indifferent." By the way, why didn't you care who became President of the United States? What's wrong with you?

If you have to be one of the two, be ambivalent. At least it shows you care, but don't be indifferent about my blog. It hurts my feelings.

infamous/notorious

"His ability to hit home runs has made him infamous." That's not very high praise. For some reason, down through the ages, the word "infamous" has taken on more of a positive connotation. When we reach some milestone, we've suddenly become "infamous" for it. Not me. I don't want to be infamous for anything.

The word literally means "not famous." So if Grandma is "infamous" for her chocolate chip cookies, what you're really saying is she can't bake worth a lick. Using that adjective is not very complimentary.

Likewise, anyone "notorious" for anything is not someone you want in your circle of influence, especially if he is "notorious" for the strange bodily noises that emanate in church.

Truth be told, both words have essentially the same meaning. . .and it isn't good.

If you still feel the need to be infamous, that's your business. I don't want to know about it.

unique/very unique

"That painting is very unique." I see. So is your grammar.

Okay, let's take care of this one. If something is "unique," it is one of a kind. There are no varying degrees of uniqueness. It's either unique or it isn't. It's like being "sort of pregnant." Either you are or you aren't.

While on the subject, another favorite of mine is when I hear something is "extremely coincidental." Same principle. It's coincidence or it isn't.

The bottom line. . .be extremely careful when you want to add degrees to your adjectives. It's okay to say you're a little late if it's just a few minutes. If you're an hour late, you're extremely late. You can argue that there are varying degrees of lateness.

But a very unique painting? Absolutely not.

if I was/if I were

Class is in session. The "if I was/if I were" debate tends to rouse a lot of discussion. I'm not sure why. I'm here just to inform you as to what is correct, not to discuss why. Those who actually debate the correct usage have too much free time.

Here's where the confusion starts, I believe. People will argue, "Well, isn't 'was' the correct form of the verb for the subject 'I'?" Why, yes it is, but here's the low-down. The key word in this phrase is "if." The word "if" implies something that is not happening or cannot happen. "If I were able to stand on my head, I could make people laugh." The sentence implies that I cannot stand on my head, not that I'd ever want to anyway.

If you want to impress people, use the correct grammatical form. "If I were" should be used when the situation is hypothetical or not possible. I cannot, in fact, stand on my head; therefore, "if I were able to" is the snobbishly correct usage.

That being said, if I were you, but I'm not, I would check back for tomorrow's post. See ya!

envious/jealous

Yes, there is a distinction between these two, although it's slight. Can you be jealous of your neighbor's new car? Not in the correct grammatical sense.

You can't be jealous of it because you didn't have it in the first place. Huh? If it's not yours, you can't be "jealous" of it. You're "envious" of it. You can certainly be jealous that your boyfriend/girlfriend or husband/wife has a fondness for members of the opposite sex. That's assuming, of course, that the boyfriend/girlfriend or husband/wife is already yours. I guess you have to make that determination. You know your situation better than I do.

To put it in simpler terms, you're "envious" of the neighbor's car but not "jealous" of it. It's his, for heaven's sake. You're "jealous" that your dog seems to greet your neighbor more warmly than he greets you. Maybe it's because he has a new car. I'm not sure.

Anyway, there is your difference. Make sense? I think I'll kick back and take the rest of the day off. Envious?

plural vs. possessive vs. pronoun

You people sure enjoy apostrophes. It doesn't matter if it's necessary. Just stick it in there. It looks good.

This is an easy fix. An apostrophe replaces a missing letter. Simple. Here's the trick if you're not sure if it belongs there: If you want to use an apostrophe, say the contraction out. If it makes sense, leave it. If it doesn't make sense, get rid of it.

Here's an example: "A leopard never changes it's spots." I see stuff like this all the time. Does it make sense to say, "A leopard never changes it is spots"? Of course it doesn't. Do you need it there? I think the answer is obvious.

Here's a good one. I actually had a student write in a paper, "Rat's!" It was supposed to be an exclamation. Oh, really? "Rat is." That's an interesting expression.

Now don't confuse this with the distinction between words such as "your" and "you're." That's a completely different apostrophe issue. Don't worry. I'll rant and rave on that one a different day.

Just take my advice and say out the contraction if you're not sure. The world will be a better place.

pronoun complements

As an English teacher, this is one of my biggest pet peeves. Every day, I read something such as, "Everyone must turn in their homework" or "Neither of the girls brought their lunch." Ouch! It sounds correct, though. . .right? Therein lies the problem.

You see, indefinite pronouns such as "anyone," "anybody," "everyone," "everybody," "each," "either," and "neither" are singular. Just think about the words. . ."anyONE," "everyONE," "anyBODY," "everyBODY," etc. The words "one" and "body" are in there for a reason. Do I really have to explain everything? Okay, I guess I do. That's the purpose of this blog.

If you are using a singular indefinite pronoun, it takes a singular complement. Hence, our earlier sentences should read, "Everyone must turn in his or her homework" and "Neither of the girls brought her lunch." Learn which pronouns are singular and which are plural, and you'll stop making these maddening errors.

That being said, it's time for "each" reader of this blog to continue improving "his or her" grammar. Do it for the ol' professor. Well, I'm really not that old. I'm really not.

kind of/kind of a/sort of/sort of a

The next time someone asks, "Just what kind of a person are you?" laugh at him and say, "I'm the kind of person who enjoys correct grammar. Buzz off!"

It's just a small problem, really, but it's a problem nonetheless. You see, whenever you want to use the phrase "kind of," and it's to be followed by a noun, the "a" is unnecessary. In fact, it's considered nonstandard.

That means you can't be "kind of a" anything. You can't be kind of a saint, kind of a jerk, kind of a lady/gentleman, or kind of a moron. Someone could ask, "What kind of moron are you?" and you would then be forced to answer.

If the word following the phrase is only an adjective without a noun, the "a" wouldn't make sense anyway. You wouldn't say, "My dog is kind of a friendly." If you do, then the person calling you a moron is 100% correct.

Now I know what you're thinking. . .I always do. "What if I said, 'You're kind of a jerk'?" In this instance "jerk" is used as an adjective, not a noun. As odd as it sounds, it's more appropriate to say, "You're a kind of jerk." Be mindful of your nouns.

The same thing applies to "sort of." Got it? You are no longer a kind of moron. Hooray!

continual/continuous

This pair has been confusing for a long time; consequently, people have been using them incorrectly for a long time.

It's quite simple, really. If you say, "My teacher continuously asks me to turn in my homework," you're implying that he/she asks you over and over again without stopping. That may be the case if you are, in fact, a slug who doesn't turn in your work. That's a matter for a different day.

If the intention is that it happens frequently, not necessarily uninterrupted, then the teacher is "continually" asking for your homework.

If you're a couch potato who never gets off the couch and watches TV endlessly, then your television watching is "continuous."

So let's summarize, shall we? "Continuous" occurs without stopping, but "continual" occurs at intervals but not necessarily uninterrupted.

Heck, if not for your continual errors, I wouldn't have anything to write about. Thanks.

close proximity

Remember several posts ago when I mentioned that there were thousands of redundancies that people insist on using? Here's an oldie, but it certainly won't be the last one about which I rail.

The word "proximity" means "close to." Why, then, do you need to add "close" to "proximity" for Pete's sake? It doesn't make any sense. (Who is Pete, by the way?)

If you absolutely must use the word "proximity" to impress your family and friends, please use it the correct way. "In proximity to" would be the appropriate usage here.

See, don't you find it more comforting to be in proximity to the more literate of society? I know it takes time, but you're learning.

Good job. Moving on. . .

ice tea/iced tea

This is one of those common errors that occurs because you write it the way it sounds. If I've told you people once, I've told you a thousand times. . .

The phrase "ice tea" implies what you have is tea made out of ice. I'm not even sure that's possible. Perhaps it is, but I don't have time to figure it out.

In reality, what you have is "iced tea," meaning your tea is iced or cooled.

So next time you're at a restaurant and "ice tea" is on the menu, take a second to laugh at the menu writer, give the responsible party the address for this blog, then give yourself a pat on the back for now knowing the difference.

See how smart you're becoming?

like/as if

"Like" is one of the most overused words in the English language, and it is almost always used incorrectly. It can be a verb as in, "I don't like you," but it cannot be a conjunction, interjection, or any other incorrect part of speech that you people try to create.

So quit saying, "It looks like the rain is stopping." It's not. The correct usage here should be "as if." What you really mean is, "It looks as if the rain is stopping."

Especially as a high school teacher, I hear this word used ad nauseum. I'm not particularly fond of it, and I become less fond of it each passing day.

So would you do me a favor? Would you stop, like, using it this way? Like, please?